Living in the Rainbow

Before I (probably) descent into a more morose place with Abigail’s anniversary only a week away, let me share something more positive with you.

As a Christian I passionately believe that God can bring good from bad.  There is a theological term that captures this for me – redemption.  God can redeem desperately bad situations.  Do not get me wrong – bad things are bad.  Death is desperately bad and the death of a baby is always tragic.  Abigail’s death was not good.  It hurt like hell and I know God was saddened by it too.  (Oh and while I am at it, it is never helpful to tell someone God caused or allowed something that was terribly bad to happen so he could achieve something or teach something).

That said, God can use bad things to achieve something good.  God can redeem bad situations.  This does not mean it is okay what happened it just means that God can weave good into the situation and achieve something positive that wouldn’t have happened anyway.  Not only is this something God can do, it is something he promises to do if we follow his plan for our lives.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8 v 28

This is a mind-blowing concept and perhaps one that was incomprehensible to me when Abigail first died.  How could any good come from her death?  At that time I certainly didn’t react kindly to people trying to point out anything positive.  Anyone who tried to find a silver lining to my rain cloud seemed to be minimising my loss and quite frankly appeared quite insulting.

However, with the perspective of a year behind me, I can say with confidence that some good has come out of this suffering.  Indeed the very name of this blog recognises that there can be sunshine within the rain.

One way is that my wife and I are developing a much stronger affinity for those in pain.  We are much more comfortable around people who are grieving.  We are much quicker to reach out to people, give them a hug, say we are sorry they are suffering and ask if there is anything we can do.  Perhaps this is the character-developing nature of suffering referred to in James 1

the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything

Another way we have seen good come from bad is that Abigail has helped loads of people in Africa!  Really I mean it!

Having spent time in Africa my wife and I were struck by the quality of care we received in the UK.  Whilst it wasn’t enough to save Abigail, it was phenomenal the medical equipment and expertise available to us.  We were stuck by the contrast with the provision available to those born in Africa.  When Abigail died we decided to welcome donations for a charity that work in Africa.  Particularly we wanted the money to be used for families infected and affected by HIV/AIDS.  Over £4,000 was donated for which we were so very grateful.  It didn’t bring Abigail back but we did know this money would make a real difference to other suffering families.

Apple tree in children's HIV clinic

Some of the money was used to decorate and equip a Children’s HIV/AIDS Clinic.  Children can go here to have tests, care and treatment.  It is decorated in child friendly colours and there is a mural on the wall.  There is also an apple tree and children can write prayers on an apple and hang it on the tree.  More of the money was used to create a fund, still being used, to buy and distribute nutrient-rich protein mix to HIV-affected families.  This improvement to their diet increases their defenses against opportunistic infections.

Abigail's new house

However, half the money was used to help one family.  A Christian lady I met on two trips to Africa.  She was infected with HIV by her husband who has since died leaving her to care for 9 children alone.  She works as a HIV counsellor and has real compassion for others.  On more than one occasion she has taken dying AIDS patients back to her small home to care for them in their last days.  Her name, coincidentally is also Abigail.  Late in 2008 her house was attacked in some inter-tribal/inter-religious riots and burnt to the ground.  She lost everything.  We were pleased to use half of the money donated to buy and refurbish a home for Abigail and her 9 children.

I hope this doesn’t seem too sanctimonious.  We did not achieve all this – it was not our money that made this happen!  However it was given by people who had been touched by our daughter Abigail’s life and wanted to do something in memory of her.  These things were done in her name and we are tremendously proud of her for that reason.  Even though she never breathed a breath, walked a step or spoke a word, she has achieved some amazing things and helped others in desperate need.  There are many people who live a long life on earth and never help anyone else to this extent!  So as her father I am proud of her.

So real good can come from the desperately bad.  Was it worth it?  Does this good, make the bad acceptable or “worth it?”  No, not really – I would rather have Abigail here for sure.  But I do believe this is one of the way’s God is redeeming Abigail’s life for us.  I do believe if we stay open to God working in our lives he will continue to weave good into our pain.  We will not be destroyed but will grow stronger and see light at the end of this tunnel.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.  2 Corinthians 4 v 7-12