Poems are a powerful way of expressing emotions. There are few more powerful emotions than grief for a baby that has died.
I have noticed that lots of people are coming across this blog having searched for “Stillbirth Poem” or a similar combination. If that is you, and you have suffered this unspeakable tragedy – my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your loss – the death of a baby and the grief, emptiness and pain that follows is… well, words are not enough. Be gentle on yourself, it is a difficult journey you are on and a long one. If you check out the rest of this blog sometime (or some of the others linked here) you will see that other people have been on a similar journey before you – and we are surviving. Please visit again and say hi, it would be good to get to know you.
I found poetry very helpful at the funeral of my daughter Abigail. I felt there were lots of people coming to support us and grieve for us, but I wanted them to leave having grieved for my daughter too. I felt that people were not going to grieve for the person of Abigail, or her potential that had been so cruelly cut short, unless we opened up our grief for them to experience too. I wrote some poems for Abigail’s funeral as a way to achieve this.
One of the poems I wrote for the funeral reflected on the birth of Abigail and the days that followed:
So nearly beautiful So nearly beautiful
Seeing the images on the scan
The clock stops, the doctor speaks
And all the beauty is gone
So nearly beautiful
Hugs with midwives and tears
The pain of labour
The first glimpse of our child
Holding our daughter in our arms
Saying the special words, saying goodnight
So nearly beautiful
The drive home from hospital
The sleepless nights, the restless wander
The mother’s milk all ready to feed her
The cards and the flowers
The family and friends visiting
So nearly beautiful
Planning her special day in church
Walking down the aisle, daughter in hand
Giving her away
So many reminders of what might have been
All was lost with her heartbeat
All so nearly beautiful
So near
So far
Another poem in which I tried to lace my grief with a dose of hope was
Father to daughter
What can I say? Where shall I start?
You were so beautiful, you captured my heart
We only got to know you, through images on a screen
We felt the occasional movement, the rest was left unseen
If God had allowed it, I would have loved you so
I would have given anything, just to see you grow
To share with you in laughter; your joy, your years
To even share the sad times, and wipe away your tears
You would have been so beautiful; you had your mother’s eyes
And witty and funny, and carefree and wise
You’d have loved the mountains, as we shared walks and climbs
You had such potential; now I know only sad times
I will not devalue the time we shared, with any platitude
Just take these never-had memories, into my solitude
They said once for a princess, that the price for love was grief
So I will hold onto the loss I feel, and won’t let it be brief
I will not end with sadness; there’s hope in these words I’ve spoken
My joy is now the Father’s, and in Heaven nothing’s broken
Please know I dared to love you, and if Heaven’s rules allow
I’ll hold you close again one day, and forget the pain of now
Whilst I would be happy (er, that is not quite the right word!) for my poems to be used in any funeral it does seem a fairly pitiful offering by itself. So I was wondering, what other stillbirth poems have people written or found useful? Please post them in a comment below or just link to a site where they are.
(For a similar post on Songs for a baby who was stillborn click here)
[...] 1 small white coffin 1 red rose 1 “I love you” heart balloon 1 teddy bear More Tears 1 minister 3 Poems 4 songs 7 comforting bible verses 1 small plastic urn of ashes 1 special [...]
By: A Recipe « Living in the Rainbow on 01/02/2010
at 9:57 am
A traditional poem for the grieving here
http://bridesmaid-to-be.blogspot.com/2010/01/poem-for-grieving.html
By: livingintherainbow on 20/01/2010
at 11:31 pm
I would like to add a link to another site – Still Life 365 which includes lots of art and poems related to stillbirth, and wider loss of babies.
http://stilllife365.blogspot.com/
By: livingintherainbow on 17/01/2010
at 4:40 pm
[...] For some poems about stillbirth (rather than infertility) see here [...]
By: An Infertility Poem « Living in the Rainbow on 08/01/2010
at 1:21 pm
Thanks for stopping by my site – it’s still early stages – much more to do. Was actually suprised you found it!
I have added your poems to the collection on the site here:
http://touchedbyangels.org.uk/poems/so-nearly-beautiful/
http://touchedbyangels.org.uk/poems/father-to-daughter/
Thanks again for sharing!
By: Touched By Angels on 04/01/2010
at 6:39 pm
I found the site because someone clicked on the link to my blog and I saw they come from your site. Thanks for the link by the way. I look forward to seeing what else you are going to add! I can add a link to your site if you want – is it finished enough?
Thanks for quoting the poems and giving the links. It is a strange thing as I never wrote poetry before but when Abigail died, I had to express myself somehow and this was what came out.
Take care
By: livingintherainbow on 04/01/2010
at 8:39 pm
Feel free to put up a link – even if the small amount of stuff up there helps one person that’s good enough for me. I’d be interested if you have any comments on the post I just put up:
http://touchedbyangels.org.uk/experiences/dos-and-donts/
By: Touched By Angels on 05/01/2010
at 9:38 pm
Another collection of poems here
http://touchedbyangels.org.uk/category/poems/
By: livingintherainbow on 02/01/2010
at 11:52 pm
[...] (for a similar post on stillbirth poems click here) [...]
By: Songs for a stillborn baby « Living in the Rainbow on 21/11/2009
at 10:44 pm
A poignant poem called “Little Snowdrop” is here
http://jenn625.blogspot.com/2009/11/little-snowdrop.html
By: livingintherainbow on 12/11/2009
at 9:41 am
Another Poem by Emma’s Daddy giving his perspective
http://my-baby-emma.blogspot.com/2009/11/im-no-wordsmith.html?showComment=1257770963371#c88770471235099184
By: livingintherainbow on 09/11/2009
at 11:10 pm
There are a couple of good poems here too “In Loving Memory” and “Little Footprints”
By: livingintherainbow on 02/09/2009
at 12:23 am
This is an absolutely fantastic poem here – really recommend it
http://www.forgottengrief.com/GatesoftheStillborn.html
By: livingintherainbow on 13/08/2009
at 6:52 pm
What a great question. There were several songs that we had at Luke’s funeral that have continued to bring me comfort and make me feel close to him over the past two years (You Are Mine by Haas for one – kind of has become Luke’s anthem in my mind). I also made a cd of songs that make me think of him, and have always found the lyrics to “If I Could Save Time in a Bottle” eerily appropriate. If you ever want a list of the songs and scripture readings let me know and we’ll get it for you.
Here is a poem I wrote for Luke’s second birthday – it isn’t really a funeral poem but nonetheless, here you go:
Two years ago, I held you.
Two years ago, I cried.
Yesterday, I longed for you.
I spoke your name and sighed.
The tears don’t come as fast now,
And yet they remain.
Footprints on my heart, there,
You’re with me just the same.
Are you proud of who I am now,
You made me who I am, now,
The person I’ve become?
My first, beloved son.
A lifetime may mean different things
Depending who you ask.
Finding love, learning, completing some kind of task.
I hope that yours was right for you,
Warm and safe and sound.
While you couldn’t stay with me,
I find your life profound.
Two years ago, I touched you,
For the first and only time.
Today, I hold you in my heart,
Knowing that you’re still mine.
So happy birthday, baby,
I’ll light two candles for you tonight.
Know that Mommy’s love for you will burn forever bright.
By: Terri on 24/07/2009
at 1:25 pm
Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem. 2 years is still quite some time away for us – not gotten to 1 year yet! – but I am sure I will still feel some fairly strong emotions then. I love the idea that your son has helped made you part of the person you are today. Isn’t that amazing. The footprints on your heart is an amazing image too.
I like the idea of sharing scriptures and songs too and will start another post for that in a few days. Watch this space.
God bless.
By: livingintherainbow on 24/07/2009
at 11:28 pm
Terri
Was leaving comments before from my phone as I have been away for two weeks! Am back for one night again and then back to phone – thanks for your poem and the other thoughts too!
Michael
By: livingintherainbow on 30/07/2009
at 11:50 pm
My dear friend, who had two stillborn daughters, sent this to me when I lost my boys…
My Child
You left this life too soon, my child.
Your arrival to our family was greatly anticipated.
We cherished the opportunity t o share our love
And watch you grow and become your own person.
But you were taken from us too soon.
We will go on without you, although it will be difficult.
You will be missed and loved for as long as we live.
May we be together on the other side of this life.
A star will always shine brightly in our hearts for you.
Thank you for blessing our lives even so briefly.
Goodbye, my dear child!
By: mkwewer on 22/07/2009
at 2:08 pm
Thankyou for sharing this lovely poem and so sorry you don’t have your boys with you!
By: livingintherainbow on 22/07/2009
at 5:30 pm